Selfishness is a serious and mortal enemy of charm. If you wish to increase your charm, be helpful, considerate and thoughtful to the needs, feelings and requirements of others do not speak or act in haste. Never try to gain at the expense of others. Be mindful of the hopes, aspirations, pride, prestige and age of the other person. Take care of their comforts and anticipate their reactions. People generously respond to considerate thoughtfulness on their behalf. It melts the hardest heats and develops a personal bond. They become touched and genuinely affectionate. They will ignore your minor drawbacks and disadvantages willingly and smilingly. If you contradict people, humble them in public, criticize them even justifiably, they will not take to you kindly. Tact, sympathy, unselfishness, modesty, kindness, sincere appreciation and such finer qualities spring from thoughtfulness and constitute the ingredients of charm.
Appreciation is the lubricant that keeps the machine of human relations running smoothly. It makes people feel more important than anything else you can give them. Not only have human beings, even animals craved for it passionately and hungrily. Everybody without exception likes to be appreciated. Wife for the excellent dinner, husband for the good business deal, brother for his performance in games, sister for her mastery in music, clerk for his accurate work, boss for his efficient management, neighbor for the help he gives to others and the shopkeeper for his choice selections and attractive display. You and I are no exceptions and we like appreciation like anybody else. Both of us will go out of our way to do things for people who we know will genuinely appreciate them. We need not wait till some one does something big for us to show our appreciation. Instead, we must take the initiative and start looking for things we can appreciate in people. We can oil the gears of human relations in advance by adding to our requests to others, just a few more words like, ‘if you please’, ‘would you mind’, ‘may I have the pleasure of’, ‘can I ask for a small favor’, and so on.
You can multiply your charm million times if you can give sincere and generous appreciation to those with whom you come into contact. If you fail to give appreciation you will be termed as a critic, snob, bore or proud individual. You can spot the good points of others if only you take some trouble. Generally, people have both good and bad points, strong and weak personality traits. It is for you to observe and spot out the other person’s strong and good points. There is hardly any individual who is entirely bad and totally devoid of good or strong points. Some one may be good in sports and another in studies or debates. Some people may be good in music, painting and similar other fine arts. May be one has an interesting hobby. Perhaps he dresses impeccably and pleasingly. He may take regular exercise and have a body like Hercules. His knowledge on different fields like literature, science, engineering etc. may be extensive, up-to-date and authentic. Thus there is always some point, some field, and some quality in which every individual excels. You must quickly discover that point and give sincere and honest appreciation on the same.
Since every person feels superior to others in some way and craves for the recognition of this fact, the sure way to impress him is to let him know in a subtle and sincere manner that you do recognize and appreciate his importance in his chosen field. If you talk to a man about himself and his interests, he will go out of the way to accommodate you. He will be hungry for your company and his doors will always remain open to you.
You want to make a good impression the first time you meet someone. You want to tell about all the great things you have done. You want to talk about the clever things you have said. You try to impress the other guy by letting him know how important you are. It does not and never will. The real way to impress others is not to talk but to listen. If you want a person to like you instantly, listen to him enthusiastically and let him feel that you are very much impressed with him. Just for a moment analyze your own reaction and consider how you feel when you meet someone who straight-away starts buzzing into your ears, letting him go full blast about him. No, you begin to yawn. You curse your luck under your breath. You explore all the avenues to slip away, possibly without giving any offense. Then on the next occasion you make doubly sure that you avoid this person.
Conventional ability enhances your charm considerably. To be charming an individual should be neither dumb nor a bore. You can avoid these extremes by becoming an interesting and intelligent listener. In fact the secret of being a good conversationalist lies entirely in your ability to listen to others with keenness, interest and reasonable awareness. If you pay the compliment of being a good listener, it would encourage him to talk more and more about himself. In the end he will seek out your company on his own initiative. In fact all of us long for appreciative and sympathetic audiences. Being a good listener does not imply that you should be dumb throughout. On the contrary you should be an intelligent and appreciative listener. You should give the required encouragement. You should ask relevant questions, should indicate your basic or elementary knowledge of the subject. Besides this, you must maintain your interest on what is being narrated to you. You should not yawn or start looking at the watch or the clock on the wall. Do not interrupt or try to change the subject abruptly. You must try and draw others out on their pet or favorite topics. It will help you to know the area of their interests, their likes and dislikes, their habits and routine, their inclinations and idiosyncrasies, their hopes, wants, aspirations and objectives. The more you know about the individual the easier it will be for you to create the impact, to motivate, influence and lead or co-ordinate. In proportion to your ability to function as a good, sincere, patient, enthusiastic and interesting listener he will regard you to be charming and crave for your company. If you read widely and keep abreast with current events, if you keep your general knowledge up-to-date, you will be able to take part in the conversation with greater zeal and enthusiasm. Incidentally, the very act of listening attentively to others itself will enable you to increase your knowledge. Similarly, reading the lives and achievements of great people will enable you to make useful and penetrating contributions during conversations.
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1 comments:
Hey keep posting such good and meaningful articles.
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